5/5 Thinking about Love

If you had asked me 10 years ago, if I saw myself married with 2 lovely dogs, living in my own home in the suburbs by the time I was 28, I would’ve said you’re crazy. I didn’t even believe in marriage..

I was a very different person 10 years ago. Well, I am still clumsy and awkward but back then I was a young woman living in fear and self-destruction, pretneding to be fearless. I’ve said and done a lot of things to prove to others (and in someways convince myself) that I was this adventurous, fearless, daring person, but inside I was destroying myself, petrified by the fear of not bieng the best at everything.

When I meet my husband in 2008, I was still at that stage, but was slowly realizing that I was sick of feeling that way. I wanted to be better version of me. I had never really been single for a long time up to that point so I thought I should focus opn me first before attaching myself to anyone else.

Marty was so frustrated but so supportive and understanding. And finally in 2009, we officially started dating.

Today I am a much better person because of the kind of love that I am surrounded by everyday. I come from a loving family that also loves drama and grudge; but Marty is more used to calm, in someways oppressed? environment. When things don’t work out, I think my side of the family keeps talking about it, and each time the anger and hurt multiplies. When Marty is mad at something, he bursts out with the frustration at one point, but then moves on very quickly. And never talks about the past issues.

He is the kind of person with whom you can have an argument with and then next morning wake up fresh and happy.

And I think that kind of “let’s move on” attitude was just what I needed. I still get my moments, but for one, my insomnia getting better because I’m not hanging on to everything other people said all day long. Most of all, I’ve learned to “NOT CARE,” and remind myself that the most important person in my life is me and that I have every right to surround myself with positivity and positive people that I love. I stopped caring about strangers who might glance at my way and judge, or making my life decisions based on what other people might think about it.

I think this is a perfect way of summarizing my progress to make my 29th year, a year of “letting go and moving on”

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