I realized that studying at B&N is not a good idea for me. I’m so tempted to look at the books.. I went to study with my sister after work. I ended up buying three almost-useless books. Just because they were on sale, and I got paid.

One is called Zodiac: Athena’s Sugnsigns. My friends already know how much I’m drawn to metaphysics and astrology, that sort of things. So I bought Inner Magic, a guide to witchcraft as well. It was on SALE! I had no choice.

Only “useful” book I got is The Good Girl’s Guide to Negotiating. After this weekend, all I’m gonna do is read read and read. And re-read. =) My life doesn’t seem so productive unless I read something.

Work is fine. I got to talk to him more today! Omg. It’s just not good when I start liking somebody. I wear myself out by obsessing too much. I just don’t know when to stop and slow down, I guess. Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t get to see him that often. If I saw him everyday… O Man.. That is not a good thing.

It’s cold again.. You know around this time of the year, I just can’t help but wonder, what would’ve happened if I stayed the same.. if I went out with the same guy I was dating back in high school, and if I never graduated early and left California. My life is one big mystery to me. And I often wonder how he’s doing… maybe I should email him or something. But something inside me tells me that I’m just not ready to re-establish the connection yet. My heart is still in the “Searching for Connection……” mode and I haven’t been so stable.

Last year, my life was almost shattered into pieces. I finally built it back up, with my own hands. I feel like I’ve been single for so long, but really, it’s only been 3 months at the most. And this feeling… Whenever I’m around him, I hear the voice inside my head saying, “Are you willing to take that risk again? How are you gonna handle ALL that again?”

And I don’t have an answer right now. Maybe it will be a long time till I finally come up with an answer? It better be worth it because I’m not usually patient.


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