I’ve been healthy since march.. but last night, i discovered that i was bleeding again. i’d like to believe i am well.

there is still hope.

suzanne went to get her hair done the other day. terrible terrible hairdresser. she was a typical uneducated korean person that i despise so much. you can’t argue with someone who doesn’t know you at all, but thinks he or she does. having an argument with someone is only worth the time if both parties get something meaningful out of it. if you’re interested in each other’s lives, it’s worth explaining your position and values. but i quickly got over it once i realized she’s not that important and not worth my time and energy, even when she made some nasty comments to me, personally.

anyways. it made me think a little, i guess. i haven’t gotten really mad at someone or something for a while after high school. once, i got angry at this guy, for leading me on for almost a month and letting me find out that he actually had a girlfriend of 2 years. after i found out, i held my emotion in for the longest time possible.. then let it explode after six months.. i screamed and humiliated him in front of everyone in the cafeteria. and got HIM to apologize. Since then, i have been able to handle the outbursts well.

i’m starting to think that’s not necessarily a very good idea to control anger. Sometimes, i’d tell myself that it’s okay and i’m over it, when i’m really not. tell me, how do you know when you’re controlling your emotion, and when you’re simply ignoring it?

i used to think that life is too short to waste it on people who don’t please me. but i’m starting to question, if i keep ignoring them, when and how do i make a difference in the world? how would superheros save the world if they thought, fuck it, they’re not worth my time?

I realize i’m still immature and young. i still have too many questions.


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