LA was fun.. met people whom I haven’t seen in years and years.. Jameen, Paul, and Henry.. It brought back all the sweet memories of junior high and high school. Jameen and Paul thanks for taking me to places so that I don’t have to drive through LA with my horrible sense of direction (right, left..?) Henry, it was real nice to see you again. You look healthier, nicer, and happier than ever.
Karen and I drove back after dark but there weren’t that many cars on the road so it was nice. I thought we’d be tired but once we started talking about stuff, oh wow, we stayed up all through the drive and made silly jokes about each other. Once again, I felt so blessed having a friend like Karen. I know that we won’t be able to see each other as frequent as now once I finish school, but I know we’ll both miss each other alot. And the mere fact that I know how much we trust each other and depend on each other makes me feel so warm inside. =)
Last night, before the staff meeting, Karen and I went to eat Pho.. During our conversation, I realized something in silence.. that I lost something in college. I came here with a passion, knowing what I wanted to accomplish and how. I had set the plan and planned on sticking to it.
But now that I had accomplished everything I planned on doing, and maybe even more than I needed to, why do I feel so empty? I feel like I haven’t done anything, spent all my time on dramas among friends and enemies.. In my first year, I calculated my time, thinking that it was a wise thing to do.. I went home every weekend, or every other weekend, I didn’t need friends..
Then this year.. I’m realizing more and more, how lonely I have been. Some nights, I feel so lonely that I feel like I’m the only one in this whole world.. Well, close I guess since I live by myself and once I close that door, I am all by myself until I step outside again in the morning. I sometimes just need wild nights to stop myself from thinking that way. I have to surround myself with people and get loud until late so that I don’t come back to the dark, stuffy, messy apartment of mine. It’s too depressing..
I signed up for three classes today, for it was my pass time #1. I signed up for Soc 152A (Human Sexuality), Pol S 159 (Military Sexuality), Engl 179 (British Romantic Writing)… I need one more class for the pass time #2.. Next week, I think.