Every time I talk to my friends about MY life, I feel like this bitch trying to hurt everyone else to protect myself. The worse thing is, I really am trying to protect myself but I never mean to hurt anybody else. I’m simply trying to rescue myself from me.
This thing happened last weekend between Grace, my roommate and a friend Adaline. I had just gotten back from home with Mom and Dad who dropped me off. Well, Grace called me then and asked me if I could pick her up from the train station cuz she took the train up. I told her I was with my parents and I couldn’t, more because I didn’t know where it was. We talked about this the night before so she said she understood. Then she started crying on the phone and told me that Adaline was supposed to pick her up but she went to the wrong station. So Adaline, who was supposed to pick up Grace got pissed off and started yelling at her when they talked on the phone. For almost 10~20 minutes. Then Adaline told her to take a cab instead, and left there. So Grace was basically freaking out cuz she didn’t even know where she was and didn’t even know if she had enough money for a cab. I was already doing stuff with Mom and Dad so I told her to talk to the cab and take it if she can; and call me if it’s too far and too expensive.
After the call and calming down Grace a little, I called Adaline to talk to her. And then she started yelling at ME saying how pissed off she is and she has a lot to do at home. Okay.. WHY are you yelling at ME? Hm.. I was being really nice. But okay whatever maybe she’s really frustrated.
Basically, this is what I got from talking to Grace when she got home. Adaline was really pissy even on Friday when she was going down to Orange County with her and made her feel really uncomfortable. So basically since Friday to Monday, all Adaline did was yelling at Grace, made her really comfortable, and made her cry eventually.
Well yah, as many of my friends know already, I’m really self-centered and care about myself a lot more than other people. I’m easy to get along, but hard to make friends with. I’m really picky about my friends. Picky, meaning it takes alot more than sweet talks to become friends with me. It has to be someone I can trust completely. See I was never friends with Adaline but I thought we were getting closer. But this incident just proved to me how unrealiable she is as a friend. Friends are the ones who are there to comfort you not when things are in a good shape, but also when things are down. I don’t know what was on Adaline’s mind lately, but if we’re really friends she should be able to talk about it with us. Well I’m not even expecting she’d share it with ME, but at least with Grace since they are really good friends. Even if I get mad at my friends, I would never leave them at a wrong train station and just tell them to take a cab. If I told them to get a cab instead, I would help them pay for it. The cab ride was 45 bucks, which is really big for a college student.
Let’s pretend like I know what Adaline was going through that weekend. It was Valentine’s so maybe she was pissed off at her boyfriend for not doing anything for her; she might have had two, three tests to study for. Maybe she has issues with her family. Then she should have never said YES when Grace asked her a favor, to pick her up from the train station. It’s not like Grace was threatening her or forcing her to pick her up. She would have never said YES. When you say yes to a favor, you’re in a binding commitment. It becomes YOUR responsibility to complete that commitment. Yes, Grace messed up by not specifying the right station but it was a common mistake anyonen could have made. Grace was in Santa Barbara Station, and Adaline went to the Goleta Station. UC Santa Barbara is not in Santa Barbara but really in Goleta. So it can be really confusing. Grace never took the train up here before so anyone could have made that mistake right? So I completely understand why Adaline would have been really frustrated and mad. But Adaline is still in that commitment and it is her obligation to pick up Grace regardless of what happens. She could have spent that 10~20 minutes of yelling at Grace on instead trying to figure out where the other station is at. THEN she could have yelled at Grace on the ride back. At least then they would talk about the weekend, and what not.
What I’m saying is, yes Grace messed up, but Adaline just made it worse. What Grace did was a MISTAKE, but what Adaline did was WRONG. If I had 2,3 tests to study for, had issues with my boyfriend and my family and I’m in a pissy mood, I would have nicely decline when my friend asks for a favor. Telling her I really can’t make it so it’d be better if she could find someone else.
Again, I’m not saying I don’t understand Adaline at all. I understand why she would’ve been pissed off, and that maybe there was a lot going on her life. But she was wrong because she said yes to a favor that she could never finish. Some people have difficult time saying no to people, but if that’s the case, that’s HER problem. If she said yes, she should have finished the job no matter what happens.
Yes, I am self-centered but I’m not selfish. I’m self-centered because I believe if I do everything I’m supposed to do, I won’t hurt my relationship with people like in this case. Helping other people without taking care of myself first always ends up in a mess, exactly what happened to Adaline. Taking care of myself is a necessity, helping others is a luxury. I care about “MY PEOPLE” such as my friends, my family, people I can trust completely with my heart. They can trust ME, because I’ll be a friend who stands by through ups and downs. I take this relationship very seriously and that is why it is so difficult to become friends with me. I can’t be friends with people who NEVER take care of themselves because I simply refuse to commit myself into a relationship where I have to take care of them all the time.
I know that my way might seem really weird, dry and not really friendly, but at least my relationship with my FRIENDS is healthy because we deeply care about each other. We can take care of ourselves but when someone needs help, we really help each other. We don¡¯t make empty promises, promises that we can¡¯t fulfill.
Since Monday, Adaline hasn¡¯t spoken to me or to Grace. She hasn¡¯t apologized or even talked to us to find out what happened that day.