It’s been two days since I became 19. Hm, I dont know. I don’t feel any differently. I don’t look different. I don’t see different things. I don’t know any more than what I knew on Nov. 6.. Birthdays are funny. They’re not real. They’re just a date. But that date makes a real difference sometimes. It’s like dividers for your life. They force you to live year by year. Yah. Sucks. Well so yah i’m 19. WOOHOO. two more years until I become non-minor. MAJOR? hahahahaha. There are many things I wanted to do as a child.. I would dream, hm, what would I look like when I turn 18? 20? 30? I had many questions. But I guess what I am today is the answer to that question. Not that I wont change. I LIKE changes. I will change. But it’s a guide. Like, things I don’t like, I’ll try to avoid. I might lose few things because I avoided them. I may gain from my values today. Who knows. =)
I had a quite upsetting birthday celebration though. My dad and suzanne got into an argument. We just picked up Suzanne’s song from her producer so we were listening.. Then Mom called Dad to come downstairs so that we could start eating the cake… Then Dad started making negative comments about my sister’s work. Okay, I’m not trying to be selfish. I really like her work. Hell, I write the lyrics. I AM interested. But hello, we were just about to gather around my cake. Dad didn’t even look at the cake. Suzanne and Dad started arguing in the living room. Then they went upstairs to their rooms. Mom and I were just sitting there…. Mom said, “why are they doing that just NOW?” Yelling and fighting like that are not really usual in my family, which made it more upsetting. Mom went upstairs to find Dad in bed, lights off, ready to go to sleep. He forgot. Mom told him, “aren’t we going to sing happy birthday to Jean?” That’s when he remembered and tried to be all cheery, “Oh yah yah, we should!” They all came back downstairs.. I already put the dishes away and put the plastic cover back on the cake. Yah, did they really expect me to smile at the cake as they sang happy birthday to me? I was so upset that I had to go to the bathroom few times just to swallow my tears. It was just really upsetting. On the way home, Dad said something like, “oh yah, we should celebrate your birthday tomorrow cuz we’re coming back here [santa barbara] on sunday.” He thought my birthday was on the 9th. *sigh* He got confused with my sister’s birthday which is 29th. If these two things happened at different days, I wouldn’t have mind. I would’ve just laughed it off. But I guess I had a lot on my mind. Difficult classes, law school, all the hard work Dad had put over the years just for me and Suz, money issues, homework, friends issues, etc. Again, I wouldn’t have mind if things happened some other time. But the combination of all these worries finally got to me.
The next day, Saturday, Mom and Suzanne and I went shopping, for my birthday present. They wanted me to pick something I like. They bought me a pair of really cute shoes at Westgate mall. I like them.
But yah.. I spent the whole day on shopping and watching TV. Emotional healing time. I still got some work done for my English and Poli Sci papers, and Asian Am Research paper.
And I still haven’t gotten a single birthday card. No “happy birthdays” from my friends either. Except for Mike. =) He was the first person to say happy birthday to me this year. And thank you so much for the lovely dinner honey. I love you.
ANyways, I’m tired. My laptop battery is malfunctioning. Gotta go do some more Tocqueville reading.