It’s been a while since I wrote anything long, so I guess I’ll try that again and kind of look into where I am in my life. Well, I have to admit, although I really don’t want to, it’s rather embarrassing: I have been doing weird stuff, saying inappropriate remarks, and thinking irrational thoughts, which all began around the finals week for the Spring quarter. First, it was the anticipation of going home and of being all done with Freshman stuff. Then it quickly turned into procrastination. I didn’t study at all for the finals. I seriously went to take finals without spending any real “studying for finals” time. Sure, I always studied throughout the quarter but I shouldn’t have felt like it was all over already. I was fortunate enough to have raised my GPA, instead of ruining it, which would’ve been the fair punishment for my reckless procrastination. Well, and then when I was actually done with my finals, I went crazy. I got drunk because I wanted to. Wow, that was the first time I ever really felt that way. That night, I was doing everything I could do to get drunk. I refused to drink any water when someone offered me some, thinking, “no~ water will only dilute the alcohol in my body…” I took seven shots druing the two hours that we were in Ben’s room, without chaser for the same reason. It was like I wanted pure alcohol in my system. Actually the drunkenness didn’t take effect until an hour later. That was after the swimming pool and Jen’s room. THen i just lost control of my body. And I dont’ even remember how I got back to my room safely. because in order to get to the elevator, i would’ve had to pass the front desk night -watches. Well, somehow I got to my room. THen I had a stupid conversation with Mike, which just added to the list of my retarded nonsense behaviors. I wanted to make it up to him but the following week he was realy busy with his finals. His absense, it seemed to me, had something to do with what I said that night. At one point, I thought, I guess this is the end… I was also confused, about what I said. Did I really mean that since sometimes people talk about their deepest feelings when they’re drunk?Could it be that I just didn’t realize how I felt? Well I still don’t know the definite answer, but all I know is I hardly even think about ti when I’m sober. I hope things are finally on track now. I want to think that way. I felt that I was in control again for the 1st timelast Thursday. I have midterms this week, so I’d say my control came back just on time.
Control over myself is my confidence, my power, I’m tnohing without it. It’s done, voer finished. and I’m back on my feet again. Learned lessons?
1) Studying all the time just in case I come down with “Procrastination flu” 2) Never get drunk cuz it seriously depresses me and makes me emotional..

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One thought on “

  1. awwwwwwwww you get emotional and depressed wen you drink???dang grl…i had that happen to me once…but after i was a happy lil giddy dork hahaha but man still havnt seen you…maybe sometime this week we can go grab a coffee and juss talk and chill sounds good???alrite i’ll call you up

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